3 mistakes keeping you from standing in your power after abuse at work

Uncategorized Apr 08, 2021

 

You struggle to get out of bed in the morning. You go through the motions just to make it through the day. 

You wonder, “Does it get better?”

You used to have hope for work and life in general, but you now wonder how you’ll get back to the old you who used to laugh and feel excited. Now you feel stuck in bitterness, anger, numbness, or depression — losing faith in employers and the system that protects them.

I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

I see so many targets in the same place. I festered in a state of bitterness wondering when I’d stop ruminating. It would begin as soon as I woke up. Day after day.

That is, until I learned the 3 mistakes I was making that kept me stuck.

1. Believing I was the problem

When we want the organization we work for to do well — and we’re taught to self-reflect and respect authority — internalizing blame and shame becomes too easy to do. But bullies push their own insecurities and shame onto us, doing what they can to convince us we’re the problem.

Realizing I wasn’t the problem meant an immediate halt to seeking the abuser’s approval (which was doing more harm than good). It meant detaching from the abuser’s manipulation. It meant separating myself from the abuser’s definition of me,

If you need more on inner tools, be sure to check out Lorraine Segal, Dr. Rachel DuPaul, Cyrina Talbott, Shobha Ranganath, and Shelley DeJongh’s presentation.

2. Thinking the abuser and work culture would change

I had some serious hope on this one. Back in 2007, I made all the textbook moves I now know NOT to do. And those moved were rooted in the belief that the employer would care, understand the toxic behaviors, and make them stop.

Realizing I couldn’t change others but could change my own view was a game changer for me. It meant no longer waiting for others to determine my fate but digging deep to figure out what I wanted out of life and going after it.

If you need more on how workplace bullying works, be sure to check out my and Barbara Gallen’s presentations.

3. Living life according to others’ expectations

Growing up, it seemed as though rules mattered more than my voice. I took that mentality into adulthood, putting others’ needs over my own and seeking approval outside myself.

Realizing I could live my life according to my own value was a game changer, I no longer had to convince anyone else of my needs or my worth. I could simply decide what was in my life.

If you need more on carving out your own life on your terms, be sure to check out Heather Rider, Kate Lally, and Julie Boyer’s presentations.

Choose 1 and take action

Look back at the 3 mistakes we went over, choose the one that currently affects you the most, and take action on it.

And for a whole lot more help with standing in your power, check out the FREE Re-Define Virtual Summit. We've got 11 experts lined up and ready to teach you everything from living with resilience to rebuilding trust.

Some speakers you might recognize include:

  • National Workplace Bullying Coalition President Jerry Carbo, who I work with to pass the Dignity At Work Act
  • Therapist and Coach Kate Lally, who spoke at our Healing Speaker Series
  • Career Coach Julie Boyer, who spoke at our 2019 Summit

...and a whole lot more!

We kick off on Saturday, April 17. This is one event that you can't afford to miss. 

Learn more about the summit.

Can't wait to see you there!

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