No matter what you do to move on with your life, you're stuck in the motions of life. Wake up. Feel numb and bitter. Make it through the day. Repeat.
You can't stop ruminating about the "what ifs," blaming yourself for what happened, and feeling angry about everything you lost.
Meanwhile, the more you try to fix it, the more you feel frustrated with yourself for not conquering the pain. You're consumed with:
- The hopelessness. The anger. The loneliness. The hurt. The abandonment. The betrayal not just by a bully but by an employer you thought would do the right thing and a government you thought would be on right side of humanity.
- Ruminating about what you could've done differently to avoid the nonsense or to fight back (the scenarios seem endless, but you insist on finding the perfect one).
- Wondering if what the bully says about you is true (you know it's not, but you're confused why others believe what the bully said).
- Justifying to people in your life that it's NOT you by filling in every detail as evidence.
- Wondering how you'll ever trust again, how you'll get your career back, and how you'll feel part of the world again.
- Feeling like a burden or annoyance or just plain not good enough.
- Thinking about how you can feel recovered from a situation with no justice.
- Worrying about what other health issues will crop up now that you're still stressed out about a situation you're no longer in.